balance. harumph.

***

It was yesterday afternoon, in the middle of a conversation with my mom, when I realized: I am failing at balance. Epically. 

We were walking and chatting, and I found myself telling her that I hadn't been writing at all lately--not a blog post, a journal entry...to say nothing of short stories or chapters. Since writing is such a big (well, ideally big) part of my life, to not be practicing it at all--and to say that out loud--gave me pause.

In the midst of a busy summer semester, I feel like my hair is on fire (a slow burn, but still there's smoke). And yet, I persist in avoiding the word "no." I don't say it to others. I don't say it to myself.  Not just not agreeing to things...but not inventing extra things for myself to do, at the expense of all that I want to do, the stuff that feeds my soul, that I usually "leave 'till last" or "get to when all my 'work' is done." These days, it seems like it's never done, because I like to fill needs. I "see" a need, I want to fill it. A good thing, I think, usually--the Sunday School needs a Christmas program organizer. A friend needs some company. A student needs extra help on a paper. A food bank needs donations. A mentee needs to talk.

***

As a very wise woman--a pioneer missionary in the Amazon jungle--once advised me: "the world is full of need, and if you try to meet it all, you'll go crazy!"


And, probably, feel defeated all the time. Or frustrated. Or thwarted. My plans always look so lovely and clear. (except for when I make them, forgetting OTHER plans that conflict, or not anticipating the something that will pop up and scramble things...) If my plans could ever actually be executed, I am convinced I could meet the needs of THE WORLD!!!

Or, maybe not. Maybe not much more than those I actually struggle to meet right now. I am really so, so small, and the universe is wide and wondrous. So, where can we find balance?

Well, I don't think there is a "magic formula" that I can recite, write or practice. I've already tried several--time "diets," new journaling schemes, new planners and ways to write in them.

Another wise woman I know--a colleague and friend in the office next door to mine--said to me once, "it's all about the little choices." And I feel the truth of that, more than I've ever felt truth in any one of my ten-step-balance-plans.

***

The older I get, the better I come to know myself. I know, for example, that I'm effusive and encouraging, ambitious and determined. I can be stoic, self-sacrificing, social, and very goal-oriented. I think that is why I expect to decide to be more balanced, and then look for a general "balanced" feeling to be swathed around my life like a soft blanket. Balance is a big word, one that I've obviously not mastered yet. And contrary to my expectations, it doesn't blanket my life. But "self" and "care" are littler words. So is "rest." So is "tea."

"Let" and "go."

It was a little choice to leave work a bit early yesterday, so I could work out with my mom. It was a little choice to let her take a commitment off my schedule for me. It was a little choice to hold my tongue when my pride wanted me to argue. To put away my planner. To make myself a cup of tea.

I do not think I will ever master this whole balance thing. Honestly, I'm too tired to try to "work on it" or "start a plan" to boost it any time soon. One thing I will say, though, is that I'm ready to make some little choices, to take small steps. I'm going to try to focus on the little words for now.

What about you? Do you feel balanced? How do you maintain balance in your life?

book talk: books about writing

I can't get enough books about writing. I have to try to regulate my addiction to them; writing books are a lot like good wine, or chocolate, or cheese. Purchasing and consuming these books can be delightful, enjoyable, healthy, even--in moderation. In excess, it can lead to depression, sickness and a pernicious sense of vacancy.

That said, I'll be straight with you and let you know that I'm in the market for a new book about writing...a good one. I recently picked up this book again (I'd set it aside because of school starting, or something):

The first chapter, "Writing as an Act of Courage," is so great. I've been scheming for awhile about how I can incorporate it into my writing classes. The opening anecdote about E.B. White is one of those stories-about-famous-writers that gives students, and myself, a giant sigh of relief. If E.B. White, a famous, published author, got scared about writing...then maybe it's not so bad that I get a little scared, too.

I'm thinking about this a lot today, because I just had a full day of one-on-one conferences with students about their upcoming self-analysis essay, where they are asked to analyze themselves as readers and writers. We also just got through reading/discussing Anne Lamott's stellar chapter, "Shitty First Drafts," from Bird by Bird. Let me tell you, that this chapter (this book!) never stops speaking to me--and my writing students! I am amazed at how Lamott's hysterical honest look at just. getting. something. down. on. paper. keeps encouraging students. I assign it every semester. And every semester, students respond with relief and a little bit of joy to know they're not the only ones.

There is always this Strunk and White classic. I'd love to get my hands on this smartly illustrated version!

What about you? Do you have any suggestions for good books about writing? (or does the mere thought of that utterly bore you?) Do tell.

the most finalsy time of the year...

Hey all~sorry for the dearth of posts lately, but it is that time of year...finals. The leftovers worked out splendidly last week, but now we have a new week, and so I'll be posting for Meatless Monday a bit later. First, though, I thought I'd share some images that epitomize the feeling on campus right about now...

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Five Gratitudes

Happy, Happy Friday! Whew. Does it seem like this week took forever~yet went at a frenetic pace~or is it just me?

Here's what I'm grateful for today:

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1. Today marks the Autumnal Equinox, and I'm so grateful that my favorite season officially here! I'm also grateful to Adam Frank for posting a thought-provoking blog about The Tyranny of Modern Time on NPR's website that fits in with the occasion perfectly.

2. I'm grateful to my uncle for posting this mesmerizing video shot from the International Space Station.  Can we say jaw-dropping? Look at all those cities!

3. I'm grateful to Alli for posting about one of my favorite books ever, Pride and Prejudice. On a rainy day like today, thoughts of curling up with a classic comfort read make me smile.

4. I'm grateful that tonight, Jake and I have the chance to try out this new restaurant that just opened in our town. Looks like it will be a delicious dinner!

5. Last but not least, I'm grateful to ProfHacker for this blog on thinking about ways to make writing fun. For myself, for my students, I want to think more about ways to inspire a desire (heh, that rhymes!) for writing...and I am still musing on this quote: 

"I wonder what it is that tells us that only difficult tasks are worthwhile, that fun tasks are frivolous and unnecessary."

Indeed. 

What about you, friends? What are you grateful for today?

judging a book by...

Hello from Hot-lanta! I am currently in the throes of an academic conference here; having fun, learning a lot, and pooped out. More on the conference particulars later...

For now, I just had to share this fascinating article I came across about the (scary? imagined? very real?) importance of book cover design. As a writer myself, I instinctively balk at the notion that anything other than my brilliant words would be the crucial factor in someone deciding to read my writing, or not. But...as a visual learner, and someone who considers herself at least mildly aesthetic, I have to say that I see the cover as an important part of the rhetorical strategy. It is trying to persuade an audience for a specific purpose. And, as a reader, I have to admit that I'd rather read a book with a cool cover than one with an embarrassing cover. I can't pretend that my book purchases aren't based, at least partly, on the cover-factor.

Take, for instance, this book I just started:

The author, Geraldine Brooks, is a Pulitzer Prize winner. So, automatically she comes with "writer street cred." But, if I'm gonna be really honest, I never would've picked up this book if the cover hadn't "grabbed me." 

What do you think? Is judging a book by its cover inevitable? Avoidable? Just a part of the rhetorical exchange?