balance. harumph.

***

It was yesterday afternoon, in the middle of a conversation with my mom, when I realized: I am failing at balance. Epically. 

We were walking and chatting, and I found myself telling her that I hadn't been writing at all lately--not a blog post, a journal entry...to say nothing of short stories or chapters. Since writing is such a big (well, ideally big) part of my life, to not be practicing it at all--and to say that out loud--gave me pause.

In the midst of a busy summer semester, I feel like my hair is on fire (a slow burn, but still there's smoke). And yet, I persist in avoiding the word "no." I don't say it to others. I don't say it to myself.  Not just not agreeing to things...but not inventing extra things for myself to do, at the expense of all that I want to do, the stuff that feeds my soul, that I usually "leave 'till last" or "get to when all my 'work' is done." These days, it seems like it's never done, because I like to fill needs. I "see" a need, I want to fill it. A good thing, I think, usually--the Sunday School needs a Christmas program organizer. A friend needs some company. A student needs extra help on a paper. A food bank needs donations. A mentee needs to talk.

***

As a very wise woman--a pioneer missionary in the Amazon jungle--once advised me: "the world is full of need, and if you try to meet it all, you'll go crazy!"


And, probably, feel defeated all the time. Or frustrated. Or thwarted. My plans always look so lovely and clear. (except for when I make them, forgetting OTHER plans that conflict, or not anticipating the something that will pop up and scramble things...) If my plans could ever actually be executed, I am convinced I could meet the needs of THE WORLD!!!

Or, maybe not. Maybe not much more than those I actually struggle to meet right now. I am really so, so small, and the universe is wide and wondrous. So, where can we find balance?

Well, I don't think there is a "magic formula" that I can recite, write or practice. I've already tried several--time "diets," new journaling schemes, new planners and ways to write in them.

Another wise woman I know--a colleague and friend in the office next door to mine--said to me once, "it's all about the little choices." And I feel the truth of that, more than I've ever felt truth in any one of my ten-step-balance-plans.

***

The older I get, the better I come to know myself. I know, for example, that I'm effusive and encouraging, ambitious and determined. I can be stoic, self-sacrificing, social, and very goal-oriented. I think that is why I expect to decide to be more balanced, and then look for a general "balanced" feeling to be swathed around my life like a soft blanket. Balance is a big word, one that I've obviously not mastered yet. And contrary to my expectations, it doesn't blanket my life. But "self" and "care" are littler words. So is "rest." So is "tea."

"Let" and "go."

It was a little choice to leave work a bit early yesterday, so I could work out with my mom. It was a little choice to let her take a commitment off my schedule for me. It was a little choice to hold my tongue when my pride wanted me to argue. To put away my planner. To make myself a cup of tea.

I do not think I will ever master this whole balance thing. Honestly, I'm too tired to try to "work on it" or "start a plan" to boost it any time soon. One thing I will say, though, is that I'm ready to make some little choices, to take small steps. I'm going to try to focus on the little words for now.

What about you? Do you feel balanced? How do you maintain balance in your life?

happy holiday weekend!!

Friends, I hope you are heading for a fun and fabulous weekend. The hubs and I are heading off for a bit of an early-anniversary mini-break to Holland, MI. I am beyond excited! I am going to hurry off to finish packing...see you next week!

Meatless Monday

I'm not sure if it's the summer Mitten heat, or just the fact that I've been (mentally) warming up to the vast list of meat-substitues, but I've been mildly obsessed with lentils lately. There is a great recipe from the Barefoot Contessa for warm french lentils that sends me over them moon. And then, I found this intriguing little recipe for lentil tacos. Told you I was obsessed.

But, there are other legumes in the sea... 

How delicious does this quick bean soup look? Maybe for dinner tonight?

Last week, I made this yummy vegetarian pizza. I have to say that even though I griped at Jake for telling me to let it bake a little longer, I was amazed at how perfectly the crust turned out. Good instincts, honey!

I used Trader Joe's Garlic Herb dough, pesto, baby bella mushrooms, arugala, tomatoes, onions and goat cheese.

Also, here is a new invention that involves, yes, fresh basil...in order to make a delicious fruit salad. I've been taking it for lunch almost every day!

1. Slice several peaches
2. slice several strawberries
3. roll up 4-5 basil leaves, slice (creating thin strips)
4. Toss fruit and basil with 1 tsp. raw sugar, stir well

What's your favorite combo for a fruit salad?

book talk: on chesterton, cheese and francophilia

By jove, if it isn't another Book Talk Tuesday!

On my dream (read: would-love-to-but-already-have-too-many-other-commitments-and-so-don't-have-enough-time-for-these-additions-to-the-list) summer reading list, there are the following books:

The G.K. Chesterton Biography. I mean, who wouldn't want to know more about the man who gave us such witty literary gems as:

"Fairy tales are more than true; not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten." 

— G.K. Chesterton

and

"Without education, we are in a horrible and deadly danger of taking educated people seriously." 

— G.K. Chesterton

and

"The word "good" has many meanings. For example, if a man were to shoot his grandmother at a range of five hundred yards, I should call him a good shot, but not necessarily a good man." 

— G.K. Chesterton

right?!?

I want to read pretty much every book on Madame Fromage's Cheese-Reading List. She sure knows the way to my cheese-and-book-loving heart!

This book has been mentioned on a couple of other blogs, but it wasn't until I read Jamie's review on Charmingly Ordinary, that I decided I for sure wanted to read it. 

Looking back over today's list, I realize that there isn't any fiction (except for the Bulgakov on Mme. Fromage's list). What do you think--fiction: for or against? (or ambivilant?) I know what our friend Chesterton would say:

"Literature is a luxury; fiction is a necessity." 
— G.K. Chesterton

 Do you agree?

Two weeks to go...

...until we head here! Jake and I are gonna escape for a "mini-break," as the Brits call it, with our friends and their two adorable boys. I am so, so excited to get outta dodge for a long weekend. And to my beloved Lake Michigan, no less.

 

*sigh*

Do you have any mini-breaks planned this summer? Any regular-sized breaks? Where to?

Summer Goals

It's that time of year again. Time for me to start setting my summer goals...if I could figure out a way to sing that to the tune of Liz Lemon's "Night Cheese," I would.



I relate to Liz Lemon. She wants to "have it all," and so do I. Hubristically, I fancy I'm a bit more organized and confident that our dear Liz. That may just make me less likeable. But, we do share a love of cheese, and a desire to have a beautifully balanced, happily organized life. In order to even pretend that can happen for me, I have to write lots of lists, make religious use of my planner, and set myself goals, which I write down in list form as well.

Here's the thing: every summer, I set myself some goals--personal, professional, enriching. That kind of crap. Every summer, I struggle with checking off even a couple of goals. When I do, I feel really really great. For instance, last summer, I set a goal to write 100 pages for my book, and to go running three times a week. When I hit September, I had 111 pages and felt awesome about my health and body.

Then, the fall semester started and both goals blew away with the crumbling leaves. This summer, I want to try something different. Something that I can sustain when the fall semester starts and things really kick into  high pedagogical gear.

So, I sat down with my notebook and wrote out my goals, which are various in scope and application. But, it all boils down to wanting to set aside time each day for writing, and for physical activity, as well as making time each week for:

• yoga class
• making one vegetarian dinner
• having a date night with the hubs
• making time to hang out with friends

I looked at the daily goals and the weekly goals. I looked at my planner, which I jokingly refer to as my "extra appendage." Something clicked.

There's color coding, there are check boxes...what more could a girl want? My hope is that the system is flexible enough to morph into whatever the semesters may throw at me, yet consistent enough so that I can incorporate these things regularly into my life. Is it a tad "over-organized?" Maybe. I'll keep you posted on how it works out. 

Meanwhile, what do you do to keep your life organized and balanced?